My first answered prayer--Weary and Burdened

I felt like sharing part of my testimony while in church today and I thought about what proof I have that I can look back on my Christian walk and say, "Yes, this is God working in me!". I thought about that during worship and I realized that I wanted to share my first two answered prayers. Before I came to know Christ, I may have thought I was praying, or talking to God, but I think now that I was really talking to myself. I never really thought anyone was listening.

Then one day, at the Shipley's Do-Nut shop in College Station as I was talking with Daniel Eng, it happened. I came to an understanding of a verse and it hit me like Neo when he woke up from the Matrix.

“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 (HCSB)


It was at that very moment, I realized that I WAS weary AND burdened and that I needed rest. The devil had been throwing these things on me telling me it was simply a part of life and everyone has this baggage. Debt, anger, loneliness, insecurity, helplessness, frustration. All these things the devil threw on my back and told me that it wasn't more than I could bear. But he lied to me. He put rocks in my bags and what had felt like a heavy backpack like I had gotten used to wearing in school had become a millstone that even Atlas himself (had he been real) could not support. It was at that very moment, feeling the weight of my sin and my failures and my willingness to hold on to them out of some misguiding effort of control, that I came to the truth that I needed a savior and that Jesus was that savior. I had but simply to ask Him to take control, to take my life in His hands. I had resisted thinking I was capable of saving my own life, but at that moment it just seemed like a bad joke. How could I have thought something so obviously untrue? Then I heard the devil in me resist, and try and put more weight on my shoulders. 

I then gave up. I thought of surrender. Not surrender to the devil, but to Jesus. I told Daniel that I wanted to pray for salvation and we prayed together and the moment I asked Jesus to take my sin away, it was gone.

Gone.

I could have turned my back and see that millstone not there anymore. Even my body felt lighter, like I could really live a life worth living. It was a tangible answered prayer and I love thinking about that day because it was the day I died.


And the day I rose again.

New Old Post

This is another excerpt from my writing exercises. It is a conversation between two characters, but since I don't have names or anything I'll just name them Person 1 and Person 2.

Person 1: Is it ironic if I irradiate my mutant frog?

Person 2:Is your from a mutant because you irradiated it?

Person 1: No.

Person 2: The it's not ironic.

Person 1: Are you sure?

Person 2: No, not really. I'm your evil second-in-command, not your grammar teacher.

Person 1: Oh, do I need a grammar teacher, then?

Person 2: Eesh, no!

Person 1: Oh, ok. I'll just use yours then. Ooh, can I irradiate your grammar teacher?

That's all I got so far. Thanks for reading!

It's Benn A While!

Wow! Time has passed and I did not intend for this period of inactivity to extend itself this long. Apologies to all.


That being said, I suppose the question is . . .
Now what?

I will hope to answer that query soon. Until then, be safe out there and live without fear.

Journal Entry-Church Musings

During worship service, I felt led to write this.

God is sovereign. God is bigger than my little human mind. He is bigger than my tiny heart. He overwhelms me when He fills me with His Spirit. I am like a thimble being filled by a fire hose. I can't help but be overwhelmed. Even when I choose to look away and follow other things, His overwhelming Spirit captures me again. He brings me to Him and I am redeemed. Lord, give me a bigger cup to hold more of Your Spirit and Love! I know that I can fill it with things of this world and I have done already with my tiny cup, but please give me a bigger cup! I need to be filled by more of Your Grace and Love! At least help me not to empty what you've poured out to me and fill myself up with things of this world.

Writing Exercise

I wrote this today and I liked it so I'm posting it. Tell me if you think this could be the opener to a good story.

3/5/11—Time, depending on the point of view, can pass as fast as a heartbeat or linger for ages like the monoliths of old. Humans have the luxury of fleeting existences. They are like matchsticks, flames that burn brightly, but flicker and die in an instant. Our kind, however, have the soft glow of a fire that one thinks is close to dying but never does. We don't burn as brightly as the humans, sure. But we have been around long enough to know that it is not how bright you burn while you are here that's important, but what catches fire after you've gone.

Board Games and Eternal LIfe

If my life was like The Game of Life, I would have lost years ago. There have been regrets, wrong decisions, big mistakes, and failures littered across this road behind me.

But being forgiven does not mean that this life can be a mulligan. I have but one life, and I cannot change the messed up me that was before. He's dead. He died on the cross along with my Savior. If I died right now, I would have no regrets for my future is in the Almighty God, the Lion of Judah. The Enemy teases me into looking back at the past and what I could have done differently. Sure there were other paths I could have taken, but I would not be the same person that I am. If God wanted a different version of me, He would have one. My life has always been in His hands.

"For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb. . .Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began." Psalm 139:13, 16

I thank God that life is not like the board game, because what I think is good and what God knows is good are not always the same. Rock star? Doctor? Chemical Engineer? Where is the Toy Department Manager card in this game? I want that one. Uh, really? The world tells me that I stuck in a dead end job, but I say I'm blessed to even have a job. I also get to shine the light of Jesus in a dark place. Whether you see it or not, retail is a spiritually dark place. My store needs Jesus. Not just the people I work with and the customers I serve.

And my service is not for my own glory, but for the glory of the One who saved me from everlasting regret and loneliness. I believe God chose me to serve here to show people that Jesus is not far from everyone of us. Those people I love like Jesus will hopefully join me when the Messiah returns to judge the quick and the dead and those who are His will sing forever and ever:

"The Lamb who was slaughtered is worthy to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing! Blessing and honor and glory and dominion to the One seated on the throne, and to the Lamb, forever and ever!" Revelation 5:12b, 13b

From The Benn's Archive

Okay, so I've been digging around my old ThinkPad laptop and found some old creative writing exercises from back in the day. This is one that I like, enjoy!

January 27, 2004-Fighting the Fame

Being a Chandler, Jaife had lost many things: friends, family, even his left eye. A Toraz Dragon took it as a token of their arrangement. He’s had to tell so many different stories to travelers and vagabonds who ask him about it. Sometimes he tells them he lost it in bar fight, other times it was a succubus that stole it. He has to tell people stories like that so the Toraz can keep their anonymity. The ones that ask about his eye are usually the ones who discredit his legendary status as a great fighter.

“How can you fight? You only have one eye, you couldn’t even sharpen your blade, let alone fight an entire band of Cyclops like they say.”

That was when Jaife would take his sword and throw it toward the nearest target, whether it was living or not. The skeptics always got the point, but some got more of the point than others.